


Admiration

by sushigirlali



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, JEDI AU, Jedi Academy AU, Loss of Virginity, Master Luke Skywalker, Padawan Ben Solo, Padawan Rey, Parents Han and Leia, Past Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Students, legacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2020-10-14 18:46:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20605559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sushigirlali/pseuds/sushigirlali
Summary: Padawan Ben Solo struggles to repel Snoke’s odious influence while coming to terms with his feelings for fellow student Rey of Jakku.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [grliegirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/grliegirl/gifts).

** **

**Rating:** E

**Parings:** Rey + Ben Solo 

**Continuity:** Jedi Academy AU; Rey is 19, Ben is 23. 

**A/N**: This fic is dedicated to my wifey grlie-girl over on Tumblr for the prompt: “Poke me once more and see what happens.” This is a “what if” scenario where Rey has grown up with Ben at Luke’s Jedi academy. I made Ben 23 because that’s about the age he fell to the dark side in the ST. Maybe things could have gone differently if he’d had Rey at his side back then. Enjoy! _Set to Admiration by Incubus._

* * *

** Admiration**  
**Part I  
** **By: sushigirlali**

* * *

_Could you move in slow motion?_

_Everything goes by so fast_

_Just slow down a little_

_Save the best part for last_

* * *

Ben marched out of the Jedi training center with his hood up and his head down. It was a struggle to keep his composure given the electrifying events of the last hour, but he did his best to look inconspicuous since several students were congregated in the courtyard outside. Luckily for him, they appeared too distracted by Luke’s latest lesson to pay him any mind.

“But what if you got stuck on some backwater planet during a mission and had to construct a lightsaber from scratch?!” an excited youth queried his friends. “Are synthetic crystals really suitable for Jedi?”

“Master Luke certainly thinks so!” a boy with a brown flat cap exclaimed. “He built a lightsaber with a synthetic kyber crystal on Tatooine and used it to single-handedly take out the entire Hutt Clan!” 

_“Single-handedly, huh?” _Choking back a laugh, Ben imagined how his mother would react to the youngling’s erroneous statement. _“She’d probably shrug and say something about boys needing to get their heads out of their cockpits,” _he thought fondly, moving from cover to cover until he could slip behind the tall hedges that wrapped around the courtyard, _“but deep down her blood would be boiling.”_

“The way I heard it, Princess Leia was the one who saved the day!” a girl with fiery red hair piped up as he passed. “All because she and Han Solo were…”

The trio’s voices faded as Ben moved out of range of their conversation, not that he minded in the least. _“Rey loves that story, but I’d rather not hear about the princess and the rogue for the thousandth time. They’re my parents, but I’ve never understood how two people could...” _Rey’s knowing smile just before he rushed out of the training center flashed through his mind and his groin tightened in remembrance. _“Never mind.”_

Adjusting his stride, Ben debated the best way to get back to his room undetected. Given the state of his traitorous body, it would be beyond embarrassing to get caught before he could calm down. Stopping only when he reached the end of the hedgerow, Ben opened his senses and peered around.

The temple grounds consisted of the training hall at his back, the dining hall to his left, and the archive building across the courtyard on his right. The living quarters were stationed directly behind the dining hall, but it was likely he’d bump into someone if he went through the communal facility since it was so close to dinner time.

Deciding it would be more prudent to go around the building instead, Ben skirted past the entrance and darted down a small footpath adjacent to the building.

About halfway down the lonely path, Ben realized he was sweating profusely under his thick robes and slowed down to compensate. “Force, it’s hot,” he huffed. “When did it get so hot? It was almost chilly this morning. But now...”

Ben trailed off as he neared the end of the walkway, but his mind was racing. _“I wonder if Rey and I have anything to do with the change in temperature?” _It was an odd thought, but they were intrinsically intertwined through the Force. And with the Force, anything was possible.

Pushing the notion aside, Ben emerged onto the dirt road that separated the temple from the living quarters and approached his hut. The structure was slightly secluded from the rest, shaded by a few ancient trees and surrounded by a well maintained rock garden. It wasn’t much, but it was his.

Shouldering his way into the dark apartment, Ben closed and locked the door behind him before stripping out of his damp training uniform and tossing the heavy gray fabric onto the floor. Not satisfied, he shed his undergarments as well. _“I’ll have to hit the ‘fresher later,” _he thought, wiping ribbons of sweat from his brow. 

_”For now, though…” _Ben moved to the silver basin on top of his bookshelf and grabbed a rag to wash his face. The damp cloth was cool against his skin, like an ocean mist on a warm summer day.

Not for the first time, he longed for the peaceful seas and mild weather of his beloved homeworld. _“What I wouldn’t give to see Chandrila again,” _he mused, retrieving his favorite silk trousers from the top drawer of his dresser. _“To see mother and father again, even if they don’t want…” _Ben paused, trying to suppress his long standing abandonment issues. 

“Don’t focus on the things you cannot change,” he muttered, pulling on his pants with a little more force than necessary. The cool black fabric felt good against his skin, but he was still uncomfortably warm. “Focus on what’s in front of you, like Master Luke says. Focus on the things you _can_ change.” 

Sitting cross-legged on the end of his rumpled bed, Ben unlatched his shutters with a wave. A cool wind stirred through the window, giving him a modicum of relief from the punishing heat.

“If only the Force could solve all my problems,” he sighed, thinking of a certain hazel-eyed scavenger.

* * *

_You speak in riddles_

_Your intentions turn me on_

_I'm your's forever_

_Will you love me when I'm gone?_

* * *

Laying his palms flat on his knees, Ben acknowledged that the weather wasn’t the only thing making him hot today. Rey had cornered him this afternoon on the pretense of training together, but he should have realized she was up to something the moment she suggested they meet in an isolated meditation chamber far from their Master’s watchful gaze. 

_“You’re too damn gullible for a Jedi,”_ he chastised, feeling all kinds a fool for allowing her to catch him off guard again. She was a talented Padawan, his equal in every way, but Rey seemed to want him to see her as a woman first and an apprentice second.

Unfortunately for his young admirer, physical interactions were forbidden to the Jedi, strong emotions taboo. And yet… _“You just sat there like a dolt when she started kissing you.” _Ben shook his head, trying to forget the sound of Rey’s soft sighs as her lips molded to his, the feeling of her small hands gripping his—

“Dammit!” he groaned aloud, scrubbing his flushed face. “You’re supposed to become a full-fledged Jedi Knight in little under a month! Besides that, there’s a very real chance that Rey will be named your Padawan for the last few years of her training! You _cannot_ get wrapped up with her!” It was a difficult task, though, considering how good she felt in his arms.

_“If Master Luke ever found out…” _He shuddered to think what would become of them. At the very least, they’d be excommunicated from the New Jedi Order. 

Still, it was becoming increasingly impossible to deny his admiration for the young orphan from Jakku, especially since she appeared determined to tempt him into behavior that was most decidedly against the Jedi code. 

And therein lie his predicament.

Short of abandoning their Master’s teachings and leaving the Academy, there was no real way they could be together. They weren’t normal people with normal lives who could fall in love without thought to repercussions and...and...

_“Wait. Love?”_ Ben froze at the revelation. “No,” he denied. “It’s not possible.” Taking a deep breath, he tried to clear his mind, desperately seeking guidance. "Your focus determines your reality," he chanted, repeating one of Luke’s most important lessons. “Focus on anything but her.” 

* * *

_When I'm gone,_

_You're an unfenced fire!_

_When I'm gone,_

_Over walls we've trampled!_

_When I'm gone,_

_It's you I admire!_

_When I'm gone,_

_My living example..._

* * *

Concentrating on the quiet whisper of wind filtering in through his open window, Ben leveled out his riotous emotions and slipped into a meditative state. 

_Life. Death. Warmth. Cold. Peace. Violence. And between it all, balance and energy. A force._

_And inside him, that same force._

Reaching out with his feelings, he explored the remote rock his uncle had claimed for the Jedi. The local flora and fauna, all so familiar to him now, were soaking in the last few rays of light as the planet turned and the sun sank beneath the horizon. 

Broadening his search, Ben studied the subtle movement of the massive sphere itself, noting how smooth the planet’s rotation was. The orbital speed was constant, beating a soothing tattoo inside his head.

_“Almost like a heartbeat,” _he thought, humbled by the complexity of the universe. There was so much he longed to explore once he became a Jedi. Planets, people, the mysterious of—

_“Ouch!”_ Ben winced as a familiar splinter formed in his mind. _“No, not now! Not again!”_

Something sinister had stirred in response to his probing, calling out to him, urging him toward the black abyss of space. _“Come to me, my child,”_ it bade. _“You must fulfill your destiny!”_

_“No!” _Recognizing the intrusion for what it was, Ben tried to lock down his consciousness using a technique he’d learned from Luke. _“For better or worse, our family is well acquainted with the struggle between light and dark.”_

The rumors and speculation surrounding Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala had plagued his family for years, so Ben was grateful that Luke had prevented him from being blindsided when the whole affair came to light last year. 

_“I'm not sure how I would have reacted had Luke withheld the truth about my grandparents from me, but with everything out in the open, Luke and I are closer than we’ve ever been.”_

_“He’s helped me see that I’m not the only one who struggles, that I can have faith in myself despite my failings.” _And in all honesty, it was a relief to know that even after donning the evil visage of Darth Vader for so long, Anakin Skywalker’s soul had still been worthy of redemption. 

_“The love of his son saved him in the end. Despite everything, his Jedi spirit prevailed. The light prevailed.” _The notion gave Ben hope.

A malicious cackle broke into his thoughts. _“Hope? How trite. There is no hope for you, young Solo.”_

_“Get out of my head, you murderous snake,” _he gritted back. _“You’re not welcome here, Snoke. Not anymore.”_

Ever since he could remember, there had been a small but persistent voice whispering in his ear, presenting him with all manner of temptations. When he was a child, it was the acceptance he longed for from his parents. As a teenager, power and glory. But just recently, the voice had become desperate, for Ben no longer wanted any of those things. He was a Jedi, like his grandfather before him, and his only goal was to serve the Force.

_“Don’t lie,” _Snoke said cruelly. _“There is still something you covet. Or should I say...someone?”_

_“Leave her out of this!” _Ben raged. All at once he wanted to hit something, to kill. The thought of this creature, this incubus, touching one hair on Rey’s—

“Ben?”

* * *

_Your eyes are an undiscovered ocean far away_

_Any minute now keeping_

_Both poets and priests at bay_

_Don't get ahead of me_

_Could we just this once see eye to eye?_

_Could you want perhaps me?_

_Ask me how it feels to vie_

* * *

Eyes flying wide, Ben turned to see Rey crawling through his open window. “Rey! What are you—?”

“Are you alright?” she asked without preamble, slipping onto the bed beside him. “I know you wanted to be alone, but I felt your fear and I—”

“Yes,” he lied. Except it wasn’t really a lie because the sinister voice had gone. Even with Luke’s exercises, the evil wretch still got in sometimes. But when he was with Rey...well, she seemed to drive off his demons.

She gently touched his damp forehead. “Were you meditating?”

“What? Oh, yes,” he said, coming back to reality. “Or, trying to,” he corrected, catching himself before he melted into her touch.

“Can I join you?”

“I don’t—” But she was already moving behind him. “Okay, then,” he sighed, half turning to look at her. “Do you actually want to mediate this time, or...?” She was facing the opposite direction, but Ben was wary of her intentions.

“I have no idea what you mean,” she said, copying his lotus pose. 

“Really?” he replied sardonically. “I seem to recall you asking me to meditate this afternoon when in actuality you wanted—”

“Your virginity?” she filled in.

“Rey!” Ben exclaimed, astonished by her lack of tact. “You can’t say things like that!”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s—it’s—you just can’t!” he stuttered. 

Rey met his troubled gaze. “Would you rather I lie?” 

“Of course not!” he denied._ “Though it might be easier to ignore my feelings if you did.”_

“Ben, what’s wrong?” she said plainly.

“Besides the fact that you keep trying to seduce me?”

“Besides that,” Rey agreed. Her tone was even, but he could sense her smirking behind his back. 

“Nothing, I just…” How did one confess that a mad man was trying to break into one’s mind at every given opportunity?

“It’s him, isn’t it?” she said quietly. “Snoke.”

“Yes.” It was uncanny, the way Rey always seemed to know what was troubling him before he could find the words.

“Not uncanny,” she returned, easily reading his unguarded thoughts. “It’s fate.”

Ben’s shoulders tensed. “You don’t know that.”

“I do,” she said confidently. “Now tell me about Snoke.”

Knowing how protective she was, he tried to play it off. “It was nothing. The usual.”

“There’s nothing _usual_ about an evil wizard trying to sway you to the dark side, Ben,” she countered. “Try again.”

“Really, Rey? What are you? My mother?” he grumbled. “Why did I even tell you about him to begin with?” 

“Because you trust me.” She leaned back against him to prove her point and, damn her, the contact calmed his frayed nerves like a spiritual balm. “Now stop kriffing around and tell me the truth.”

Put that way… “He’s become weak in the last few years, desperate. But that only makes him more dangerous, not less, and I’m afraid…” 

She rested her head on his shoulder, further improving his sense of being. “Yes?”

“I’m afraid he’ll hurt you to get to me,” he admitted. It was a revealing statement, but he owed her the truth. Rey’s life was on the line as much as his own now.

“So, he knows how we feel about each other,” she said matter-of-factly. Rey sounded less concerned than he’d expected, but she was like that. 

“I’m like what?” she asked playfully. 

“Brave—and annoying,” he informed her. Ben reached up and tugged on one of her looping buns. “Also, stop reading my thoughts. It’s rude.”

“Stop shouting them at me then,” she snorted. “Our bond goes both ways, Ben. If you really want to shut me out—”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” he said haltingly. “I just have a hard time keeping my head on straight when you ambush me like you did in the training hall.”

“Oh.”

“Not that I’m blaming you for Snoke!” he went on hurriedly. “You’ve always been there for me, Rey. You mean everything to me.”

“Really?” She searched for his hand.

“Yeah.” He let her take it. 

“Ben?” she started seriously, lacing her fingers through his.

“Yes?”

“What happened this afternoon. What’s been happening between us for a while…” She drew in a deep breath. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but you must allow me to tell you how—

“Don’t.” 

“But, I—” 

“You can’t,” he interrupted again. “We’re Jedi. So, whatever you’re feeling is—”

“I love you,” she continued fiercely. “And I think you love me too.”

“No.” Ben shook his head even as his heart leapt. “You and I...we’re...” 

“Yes,” she insisted, turning around to embrace him. “You and I. We’re meant to be together, Ben.”

“No, I--I didn’t mean…” he tried, sounding unconvincing even to his own ears. 

“You feel so good,” she sighed, running her hands up and down his toned biceps. “Every time you’re near all I want to do is crawl into your arms and stay there forever.” Rey fit herself even closer, nuzzling her cheek against his bare shoulder. “I want you so much, Ben.”

“Stop it,” he said in an agonized whisper, aroused by her words as much as her touch.

“What if I don’t?” she replied, equally as hushed. “What if I strip off the rest of your clothes, mine, and make love to you until the sun comes up?” Rey slipped her arms under his, skimming her slim fingers up and down his naked chest in a hypnotic rhythm. “What if I take you in my hands, my mouth, inside me, everywhere...what then?”

Ben shivered at her seductive challenge, so turned on he could barely speak. “Then I would be ruined.”

“Is that why you’re scared of me?” she murmured sadly. “Because you think I’d sully you?”

“No, never,” he refuted, wanting to comfort her even as she drove him crazy. “You’re beautiful, a warrior; I could never be ashamed of you.”

“Then why? Why are you so scared of me?”

“I’m not!”

“Ben, you’re shaking,” she charged softly, able to feel every subtle movement of his body as she cradled him from behind. “And this afternoon, you ran away from me.”

“I ran because I wasn’t sure what would happen if I gave into my feelings for you,” he said huskily. There was no hiding his physical response to her closeness now, so he didn’t even try. Instead, Ben decided to go for broke; to chase her away before it was too late for either of them. “Rey, I can't do this.”

“But—”

“No, you’re not listening to me!” he thundered. “I’m not saying I don’t want to; I’m saying I can’t!”

“Why?” she said, her question a plea.

“Because there’s something wrong with me, Rey,” he said gruffly. “Something that’s always been there, poisoning me from the inside out. And I’m afraid that if we get any more involved, it’ll infect you too.”

* * *

**A/N:** The Snoke Age of Resistance comic came out today, so all aboard the Ben Solo pain train!! Hopefully this alternate version of events will help ease it a little. I’ve got Part II about half way written, and it will include some sexy times. Would love to hear what y’all think so far! Check out my other fics, I have a ton!


	2. Chapter 2

** **

**Rating:** E

**Parings:** Rey + Ben Solo 

**Continuity:** Jedi Academy AU; Rey is 19, Ben is 23. 

**A/N**: No excuse for why this took me so long... just haven’t been writing lately. TRoS kinda broke me :/ Hopefully this chapter is worth the wait! Please let me know, I need the motivation lol Shout out to my wifey grliegirl!! Happy Birthday!!!!!!

**Special Thanks:** grliegirl | obsessivescientist | Sunny_Summer_Love_AJ | last_ship_home

* * *

**Admiration  
** **Part II  
** **By: sushigirlali**

* * *

_ You're an unfenced fire! (to vie) _

_ Over walls we trampled! (to vie) _

_ It's you I admire! (to vie) _

_ My living example… _

* * *

Despite his proclamation, Ben felt bereft as Rey loosened her grip. “Ben, please,” she said imploringly, moving to sit beside him instead. “You can’t really believe that.”

“It’s true,” he murmured, mourning the loss of her warmth regardless of the sweat running down his back. “The legacy of my family is... well…surely you must know who my grandfather was... what he became.” 

“I know Anakin Skywalker died a hero,” she said firmly. 

Ben frowned, “Don’t be facetious, Rey.”

“I’m not,” she promised. “I just think that if you’re going to focus on your grandfather’s failings, you should give his triumphs equal weight.”

“I’m not ignoring Anakin’s good deeds,” he protested, “only emphasizing Darth Vader’s penchant for evil.” Ben folded his hands in his lap, trying not to fidget; the topic of his family always made him anxious. “I know I’m not my grandfather, that the circumstances leading to his downfall were unique to him, but I’m afraid the same darkness resides in me.”

“Oh, Ben,” she sighed sympathetically. “I understand.”

“Thank you,” he muttered, supposing he should feel grateful that Rey finally seemed to get the picture. But he didn’t. He only felt empty. “I am sorry,” he added, turning to face her. “I’m sorry that I can’t be the man you—mmph!”

Rey stopped him with a kiss. “Not so fast, laser brain. Just because I understand where you’re coming from doesn’t mean I agree with you.”

“But—”

“No!” she whispered, kissing him harder. Her lips were soft but firm and felt so good against his own. Ben swayed toward her. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing!” 

“But, my family...” 

“Ben, you are not your bloodline!” she said adamantly. “I won’t say that I’ve never sensed darkness in you, that you’re completely immune to Snoke’s influence, but you’re stronger than you know.”

“I am?” He had said something similar to her many years ago. Ben was touched that she remembered.

She nodded, tracing his trembling lower lip with her thumb. “The dark side can’t have you, Snoke can’t have you. You’re mine and I’ll die before I let anyone take you away from me.”

“Rey,” he breathed, shocked by her declaration. “You don’t have to—to sacrifice yourself for—”

“Sacrifice?” she repeated incredulously, rearing back as if he’d slapped her. “Is that what you think this is?”

“Isn’t it?” He couldn’t fathom anyone loving him enough to die for him. But then, wouldn’t he do the same for her? 

“No!” she cried. “Ben, haven’t you been paying attention? The last thing I feel for you is pity.”

“Then why...?”

“Because I’m in love with you!” she exploded, using all her considerable strength to push him backward onto the bed. 

Ben lay prone as she straddled his hips, trapping his big body beneath her own. “But I can't...we can't...it's just not possible!” he protested weakly. He tried to ignore how perfectly her limbs fit around him, the way her bottom brushed his burgeoning erection at just the right angle, but… how could anything that felt so right be wrong? 

"Anything is possible, Ben. Listen to me...feel me…” Rey blanketed him, cradling his head against her chest. “I know you’re scared, but what Force-sensitive isn’t? We all struggle with the dark side.” 

“Even you?” he asked, captivated by the sound of her heartbeat under his ear. It was wild, but strong. Just like her.

“Of course,” she replied, pulling back to look at him. “But do you want to know why I’ve never succumbed to it?” 

“Yes,” he croaked. “Tell me, I need to know. Please.”

“Because of you.”

“Me?” 

“Yes,” she smiled, her heart in her eyes. “Haven’t you ever wondered why the Force connected us? Why we’re able to feel each other’s emotions and communicate across great distances?”

“Every minute of every day,” he said honestly. “But it’s just a fluke, it has to be.”

“If you really believe that, then tell me this: when you’re thinking about me, about us, is Snoke able to get to you?”

“Well, I…” Ben paused, recalling how he’d reacted to the vile wizard’s threats just a short while ago. He’d felt anger, yes, but the moment Rey had entered the room, all of his dark thoughts had disappeared. “Our connection…”

“Yes?” she said hopefully.

“It protects me from him, from the dark side,” he said slowly. “Why is that?”

“Because love is the strongest force in the galaxy,” Rey informed him, the ardent crush of her arms acting as an anchor in a sea of uncertainty, tethering him to the moment and helping him forget his fear. “Love is what makes us who we are.”

“And who am I?” he asked with quiet desperation. 

“The man I love,” she said matter-of-factly. “I want you, exactly as you are, don’t you want me too?”

“Rey,” he groaned, cupping her precious face. “Of course I want you,” he confessed at last, “but the Jedi Order forbids—”

“I don’t care about the Order! I only care about you!” Rey lowered her voice into a seductive drawl. “Kiss me, love me,” she dared. “Please.”

Unable to deny her any longer, Ben pulled her head forward, fusing their mouths together in a kiss that defied description. “I do. I do love you,” he panted. “I always have. No matter what happens, I want you to know that.”

“I do,” she repeated, rocking her hips against his. “Ben! Ben, I want—”

“Rey!” he gasped, hands finding her waist. “I’m—I’ve never—” 

“I know.” 

“I’m all sweaty,” he said dumbly. 

Rey wrinkled her nose in amusement. “I don’t mind, I like the way you taste,” she said, leaning down to lick his cheek for emphasis. “Mmm, Ben Solo,” she teased. “I wonder if you taste the same all over?”

Ben caught his breath as she moved lower, lips skimming his broad chest. He groaned her name when she took one beaded nipple into her mouth and tweaked the other with her fingers. “Rey, please!”

“Do you like that?”

“Yes!” he said huskily.

“Do you want more?”

“Yes!”

“Are you sure?” she murmured against his skin.

“Rey!” he whined, bringing her hands to the tie at his waist. “Help me!”

She scooted back to undo his pants, but hesitated before pulling them off. “Once we begin, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop,” she said seriously. “I’ve waited a long time to be with you, so if you’re not ready tell me now. I won’t be offended if you—”

“No!” Ben all but shouted. Although he was inexperienced, he wanted this; wanted her. “Sorry, uh, no. It’s okay. You can...keep going.” 

Rey smiled again and it was like the sun coming out after a storm. “If you insist.”

* * *

_ It's a photograph discovered a decade after _

_ It's a cannon blast disguised as a firecracker _

_ It's enough to bring a brick wall to its knees _

_ And sing, please _

* * *

Chuckling at her playful tone, Ben lifted his hips to help her ease his clothing away, only remembering that he wasn’t wearing anything underneath when she gasped and paused to stare at him. 

“Sorry, I was—hot,” he explained lamely, flushing as she inspected his body. 

“No, it’s fine! I just—wow!” Rey bit her lip. “You’re beautiful, Ben.”

He wasn’t a vain man, in fact he was pretty self-conscious about his looks, but the way Rey was looking at him gave him confidence. “Thanks,” he said thickly, taking the compliment as best he could. “You’re, um, the first person to see me naked since I was a kid.” 

“I’m glad,” she replied coyly, slipping off the bed to tug his pants the rest of the way down his long legs, “because I don’t share.” 

“That’s good to know,” he mumbled, feeling out of his depth. “That’s good to know?! I should have asked Father to teach me how to flirt before leaving home.” 

“Ben, you don’t have to be so nervous,” she said, sensing his disquiet. “You’re doing just fine.”

“I am?” A world of insecurity colored his words.

Rey’s eyes traced a line from his face to his groin. “Oh, yeah.” Stepping back a little, she pulled her practical beige robes over her head and tossed them aside. “Is that better?”

“Better?” he said dumbly, staring at a nearly naked woman—his woman—for the first time in his life. “Uh—yes! But...what about the rest? Can I…?”

Rey nodded, sinking to her knees before him. “Yes, please.”

Ben immediately fumbled with the compression band wrapped around Rey’s chest. “Sorry,” he muttered, willing his thick fingers to work.

“You don’t have to keep apologizing,” she laughed, helping him untangle the fabric. “We’ll figure this out together.”

“Okay,” he breathed, marveling at the perfect slopes of her rose-tipped breasts once they were fully revealed. It was his turn to be stunned. “Wow.”

“They aren’t—um—too small, are they?” 

“What?” Ben lifted his head, aghast. “Of course not!”

“You’re not just saying that?” Now Rey was the one who sounded anxious.

“I would never lie to you,” he assured her. Sliding his long fingers into her hair, he made quick work of the pins and ties holding it back. He smiled when the soft sable stands floated like a cloud around her shoulders, enjoying the intimacy of the simple act. 

“I love your hair,” he murmured, touching it almost reverently. He just stared at her for a moment, trying to figure out what to do next. 

“I thought we could start slow,” Rey supplied, reading his indecision. “Like this,” she said, leading his hand to her breast, showing him how she liked to be touched. 

“Okay?” he asked, kneading her soft skin.

“Yes,” she sighed, preening under his touch. “I’ve never done this before either and it’s…”

“Kind of embarrassing?”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad we’re on the same page, then,” he said, pinching first one nipple, then the other. “Like this?” he checked again. 

“Yes!” she gasped, pressing closer. They were both covered in a thin layer of sweat, so his fingers skated easily across her skin. “Just like that!”

“What else do you want?” he breathed, eager to give her more; to give her everything.

“I want your mouth,” she murmured, lacing her arms around his neck. “I want your tongue touching mine, your teeth biting into—mmph!”

Ben closed the distance between them on a groan, devouring her lips like a man on the verge of starvation. “How could I have denied our connection for so long?” he wondered. “Nothing in the galaxy is more important than this, than her. I’ve been such a fool.” 

Sharing his unguarded thoughts, Rey kissed him harder, grinding against him with wanton abandon. “Us. Nothing is more important than us,” she insisted. 

He groaned in agreement, sliding his damp palms down her sides to the waistband of her plain underwear. “Can I…?”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Rey lay back as he pulled off her panties.

Ben stood arrested when the deed was done, transfixed by the thatch of brown curls at the apex of her thighs. The neatly trimmed hair looked soft, the petals of her sex wet. His mind raced with possibilities...

“Ben!” 

“Huh?” he met Rey’s intense gaze. 

“I said I want you to touch me,” she blushed, spreading her toned thighs. 

“Oh!” he gulped, tentatively doing as she asked. “Okay, but you have to guide me.” 

“You’re doing great all on your own,” she squeaked as his large fingers gently massaged her nether lips.

It was an odd sensation, Ben reflected, fondling someone in such an intimate way. When he touched himself for relief, it was almost dispassionate, routine. But Rey was hot and wet and beautiful. He’d never experienced anything like it.

“Ben!” she whined as he pressed against her center. “Ben, wait!” 

“What is it?” he said hastily, pulling back. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, no, nothing like that.” Rey looked unsure for a moment before plowing ahead. “I just—I want to touch you too.” And then she was reaching for him, encircling his cock with her small hands, establishing a whole new kind of connection between them. 

“Rey!” he yelped, incredibly aroused as she pumped him from tip to stem. “Rey, please!”

“Please what?” she replied, her voice like honey.

“Don't make me stop!” he begged, fingers threading through her hair again. “Rey? Please let me keep touching you.”

“Yes!” she acquiesced, no longer the least bit embarrassed. “Oh, Ben! Please!”

The temperature seemed to have risen another couple degrees since Rey had entered his room, but Ben scarcely noticed the heat as they collapsed onto his firm mattress together, her hand around his cock and his fingers between her legs.

Kissing her hard on the lips, Ben slowly slid one digit inside her tight opening. Rey squirmed beneath him, momentarily losing her grip on his hard member. Feeling a little more in control, Ben moved lower to feast on her distended nipples while pumping his finger in and out of her body.

“Ben! Oh—that feels!” Rey’s mouth dropped open when he hit the right spot, unable to complete her sentence. 

“Right there?” he growled, repeating the motion again and again.

“Mmm hmm,” she hummed blissfully, trying to take him in her hand again. But this time, he danced out of her reach.

“Hey!” she complained, glaring her disapproval.

But Ben didn’t relent. “Not yet, sweetheart.”

“Ben—ah!” Rey arched her back as his thumb found her clitoris. “Ben, I’m—oh, yes! Yes!”

He continued sucking on her breasts while he worked his middle finger deeper. Soon, he was able to add another, stretching her untried body even further. 

“Ben, that feels—please don’t stop!” Rey moaned, lifting her hips in time with his rhythmic thrusting. “I’m so close!”

Abandoning her nipples, he lowered his dark head between her splayed thighs, inhaling her musky scent before replacing his fingers with his mouth.

“Maker!” Rey screamed at the first touch of his tongue. 

Using his superior weight to control her wriggling body, Ben feasted on her until she was crying out in pleasure. Feeling more confident than he had in his entire life, he focused on bringing her to climax, on giving her exactly what she wanted. 

Tapping into their bond, Ben allowed himself to revel in her desire for him, in her love. The way she felt about him was almost overwhelming, but he held onto sanity just long enough for…

“Ben! I love you!” Rey gasped as the galaxy exploded around her, slumping onto the bed in exquisite repose.

He gathered her to his chest in the aftermath, smiling as she tried to get as close as possible. His large hands roved over her eager curves, marveling at how perfectly they fit together. And for the first time in a very long time… he felt at peace. 

* * *

**A/N:** I have one more chapter planned and I hope I’ll be able to update it much sooner this time! Check out my other works if you’re enjoying this little fic ;)


	3. Chapter 3

** **

**Rating:** E

**Parings:** Rey + Ben Solo 

**Continuity:** Jedi Academy AU; Rey is 19, Ben is 23. 

**A/N**: Somehow, I found the strength and inspiration to finish this little fic and I’m really grateful. It’s been weighing on me because I try to never leave a fic unfinished! Hope you enjoy it; I’d love to hear your thoughts and soft reylo headcanons <3 (Also, this chapter finally incorporates the “Poke me once more and see what happens” line from the prompt you sent me ages ago, grliegirl XD) 

**Special Thanks:** grliegirl (x2!) | obsessivescientist | Sunny_Summer_Love_AJ | last_ship_home | MFA101 | Kawaii_chibinator

* * *

**Admiration  
Part III  
By: sushigirlali**

* * *

_Could you move in slow motion?_

_Everything goes by so fast_

_Just slow down a little_

_Save the best part for last_

* * *

Ben slowly stirred, shifting as a repetitive pressure in his side started to annoy him. “Poke me once more and see what happens,” he grumbled into his pillow. 

“Okay, tough guy,” a lightly accented voice murmured before jabbing him again. 

“Scavenger,” he said affectionately, blindly reaching for Rey’s lithe form. 

She allowed him to pull her next to him, laughing as he pinched her pert bottom. “I borrow parts from the shop one time and—” 

“Borrowed?” he interrupted, turning over to face her. 

“Fine,” she sighed in mock exasperation, “_stole_, but that doesn’t change the fact that I made some much-needed improvements to Master Luke’s ship.” 

Ben snorted, trailing a hand up her body to push a few errant strands of hair behind her ear, “I still remember the look on Luke’s face when we found you knee deep in engine parts.” 

“He was so mad,” Rey grinned, taking his hand and bringing it to her lips, “but you took the blame, like always. My hero.” 

Ben’s heart felt full to bursting. “Do you honestly see me that way? As a hero?” 

She leaned closer, rubbing her nose against his. “Yes.” 

All his doubts seemed silly now, when only a couple hours before he’d been sure about them. But Rey didn’t see him as a monster or a descendant of the mighty Skywalker bloodline, she just saw him. “I love you,” he said softly, cuddling her closer. 

“I know,” she replied smugly. 

“Hey, I’m being serious here,” Ben pouted, pinching her butt again. 

“None of that now,” she laughed, kissing away his frown. 

“No?” 

“Well,” she leered, “maybe some of that. We definitely have better things to do than argue.” 

“We do?” 

“Oh, yeah,” she promised, playfully pushing him onto his back again. “Nap time is over, lover.” 

Ben choked as she kneeled between his hard thighs. “Wh—what are you doing?” 

“What do you think?” she smirked, looking him over with hooded eyes. “You really are proportionate to your size, Solo,” she said appreciatively. 

“Uh…” Ben’s brain stalled as she grasped his manhood. 

“Loth-cat got your tongue?” she inquired, squeezing him experimentally. “Like this? I didn’t get to touch you much before.” 

“M—move your hands up and down, like—yeah! Like that,” he shuddered under her shy caresses. 

“Faster?” 

“Uh—no,” he murmured, closing his eyes against the pleasure; the visual of Rey’s small fingers gripping his cock was almost too much. 

“Harder?” 

“No, thank you.” Was she trying to kill him? 

“No, thank you? Well, at least you’re polite.” 

Ben’s eyes snapped open at her clipped tone. “Rey, what is it? Are you okay?” 

“No, I'm fine, just… am I doing it wrong?” she frowned, maintaining the same slow rhythm. “What can I do to make it better?” 

“Oh,” he said, realizing the issue. “Rey, if you make it any better, I’m going to make a mess,” he admitted frankly. 

She sucked in a breath, then smiled, “I’d like that, actually. I’d love to make a mess of you.” 

Ben blushed under her hungry gaze. “You’re amazing,” he sighed, touching her hair again. But this time, he wrapped his hand around the back of her head and tugged. “If that’s how you feel, then would you…?” 

“Yes,” she said eagerly, already lowering her mouth to kiss his flushed tip. “Mmm, salty.” 

“Sorry, it’s the—” 

“Heat?” She paused to lick him again. “I already told you, I like the way you taste.” And then she was engulfing him between her pink lips, bobbing her head in time with his harsh breathing. Her movements were a little clumsy at first, but she quickly got the hang of it. 

“Rey!” he cried, gripping her hair for purchase. “Wait! I’m—oh, Force!” Ben’s back bowed and his dick slid to the back of her throat. “Rey! Fuck! Are you—ah!” His concern dying on his tongue, Ben barely held on as Rey seemed to lose herself in tasting a man for the first time. He could feel her in his mind, probing his fantasies, his desires... 

“You already know what I want,” he said without conscious thought. “You're what I want. You’re perfect, perfect for me.” Rey hummed around him in agreement, and the minute vibrations nearly tripped him over the edge. “Wait! Stop!” 

Pulling back with a disgruntled glare, Rey wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “What? We were just getting to the messy part!” 

“I want to come inside you.” 

“Oh!” 

“Only if you want me to,” he said in a rush. 

Rey crawled back up his frame and hovered over his erection. “I want you to,” she said, pointedly pressing her dripping pussy against him. 

Ben gulped, palming her hips. “You take control, I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“You could never hurt me,” she said confidently. “I’ve been inside your head, remember?” 

“I’ll never block you out again,” he vowed, clenching as she separated her nether lips with two fingers. “I love you, Rey.” 

“I—ah—love you too!” she gasped, slowly sinking onto his thickness. “Oh, my—Ben!” 

“Rey, I—does this feel as good for you as it does for me?” he grunted, trying not to squirm as she enveloped him inch by inch. “Tell me what you need.” 

She nodded, bracing her hands on his wide chest. “Just—just be still for a minute. It feels good, but you’re—a lot.” Her thighs tightened on either side of his hips as she determinedly sank lower. 

“Take your time, sweetheart,” he encouraged. “There’s no need to rush.” 

“I know, but I want—ooh!” she broke off on a moan as the fine hairs of their sex met. “I—I just can’t believe this is finally happening! It’s—ah! Ben!” 

Fully seated within her at last, Ben struggled to fill his lungs with air. The oppressive heat and humidity outside had nothing on Rey’s warmth and he felt like he was burning up. Thick fingers nipping into her waist, he made a strangled sound when she unexpectedly flexed her inner muscles. They were a tight fit, but Rey didn’t seem to be in any pain. Just the opposite, in fact. 

“Are you alright?” she queried after a moment, pushing sweaty strands of hair away from his face. 

He cupped her flushed cheeks in answer, pulling her within range of his lips. Instantly feeling more grounded, Ben caught his breath by sharing hers. After what seemed like an eternity, she gently raised her hips, sliding almost all the way off him before forging the connection again, finding a languid pace that had them both on edge. Yet, their lovemaking remained soft and slow, existing in the space of one breath to the next. Of one heartbeat, one soul…

It was then that a word surfaced in his mind, something he had read once is an obscure tome: dyad. The exact definition eluded him, but Ben felt it beating like a tattoo in his mind. Leading him somewhere, drawing him into a separate world… but not alone. No, Rey was there too. Reaching for him… for the balance between them, light and dark. And the moment their hands touched... 

Rey suddenly began to shake in his arms, her climax taking them both by surprise. “Ben, I’m—it wasn’t like this last time! It’s never been like this!” she panted, biting his shoulder, his chest, anywhere she could reach. “I don’t know what to do!” 

“It’s okay, you’re safe,” he murmured, smoothing his hands up and down her back. “We’re both safe forever,” he comforted. What’s more, he knew it was the truth; nothing could separate them now. They were made for each other. 

“Then be with me!” she whined, still teetering on the precipice. “Be with me, Ben! Please!” 

“I am.” It was freeing to be in love, to be loved in return. He had feared giving into Rey’s desires for so long, but now he knew that there was no difference between what she wanted and what he wanted. They were fated, just like Rey had said; soulmates bound through the Force... 

Ben groaned harshly as he allowed himself to let go, to come apart in her arms, spilling his seed in an uncontrollable flood of passion. The pleasure was so intense, so sharp, it was almost painful, but then he realized why: Ben could feel Rey’s ecstasy as well. “Force, Rey! Do you feel that?” 

“Yes!” she screamed. “I feel it too!” 

Supporting her weight as her strength gave out and she collapsed across his damp chest, Ben pumped into her a few more times to extend their shared delight. But, inevitability, exhaustion claimed him as well.

* * *

_You're an unfenced fire! (for last)_

_Over walls we trampled! (for last)_

_It's you I admire! (for last)_

* * *

Ben roused first this time, shivering despite the fact that Rey was still blanketing him. Though it was barely dusk, the weather had taken a turn. His once steamy bedroom was now cool, the wind wafting in through his open window chilly. “That’s weird,” he muttered, carefully rolling Rey onto her back as he moved to shut the window. 

“Hey, come back,” she said groggily, wrapping her arms around his middle from behind. 

“I’m here,” he chuckled, throwing the latch for good measure, “just hold on for a second.” 

“Don’t wanna,” she complained, nuzzling her face against his back. 

“You are so greedy,” he joked, letting her drag him back to the bed. “We’ll have to work on that in class next—oh, shit.” Ben froze as he felt his uncle’s Force signature approach the front door. 

“Are you decent?” Luke called, knocking merrily. “And there’s no need to sneak out, young lady, I know you’re in there,” he added good-naturedly. 

“Oh, no!” Rey’s hazel eyes were huge in her elfin face as she tracked past Ben to the door. “Ben, what should we do?” 

“Get dressed,” he said numbly, hastily pulling black trousers and a matching long sleeve shirt from his dresser. He threw the latter at her and tugged on the pants, scrambling to look presentable before their master grew impatient and stormed inside. Quickly looking her over, Ben was pleased to see that his shirt fell to her knees. 

“What else?” she asked anxiously. 

“Hair!” he responded, grabbing his brush and motioning for her to turn around. Rey complied and he quickly put her to rights, picking up some of her pins and ties off the floor and securing her locks in an Alderaanian plait. 

“All done?” Luke said with another knock. 

Glaring at the door, Ben ran the brush through his own hair once, then smoothed out his rumpled bed while Rey stowed their discarded clothing in his hamper. “Almost!” 

“Are you sure? I can always come back later.” 

“Just hold on!” they yelled together, giving the room a once over before looking at each other again. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Rey told him, reaching for his hand. 

Ben slid his fingers between hers and gave them a squeeze. “I know.” 

“Right then,” Luke said, strolling into the hut as soon as Ben waved a hand to unlock the door. “Now that the two of you have finally figured things out, I must ask that you please cease and desist with manipulating the weather. It’s not fair to the other students and inhabitants of this planet.” 

Whatever they had expected Master Luke to say, it wasn’t that. 

“What?” Rey gaped. 

“Really, younglings, you must have noticed that our moderately temperate planet has suddenly experienced a change in climate today. Several changes, actually.” Luke looked thoughtful. “It does seem to be evening out now, though. Likely due to the strength of your dyadic connection.” 

“So, it was because of us,” Ben said in awe, recalling everything that had happened between them today. “Because Rey and I are a dyad in the Force.” 

The old Jedi texts in Luke’s study mentioned Force-users powerful enough to affect the weather of whole planets, but Ben had never considered it could happen in real life. If the legends were to be believed, two Jedi Masters working in perfect harmony could do just about anything. And if those Jedi were also a dyad... 

“You knew?” Rey tilted her head in interest. 

“I suspected,” Ben replied. “It started getting unseasonably hot when we were in the training center and then uh… you know… when we, um…” He trailed off in a mumble, recognizing that his uncle was still very much in the room. 

“Ohhh…” she nodded in understanding. “But then why is it so cold now?” 

“To balance out the heat?” Ben guessed. 

“Precisely,” Luke said, sounding amused. “So, if you’re going to be together, please don’t wait until the balance of the planet is at stake to, you know, be together.” 

“Are you giving us permission to have sex?” Ben said dumbly. 

“I very much doubt I could stop you, so it seems like the prudent thing to do.” 

“You mean you’re not throwing us out?” Rey said hopefully. 

“Of course not,” Luke scoffed. 

Ben’s mouth fell open in shock. “And we can still be Jedi?” 

"Rey will obviously remain my Padawan when you graduate to Jedi Master, but yes."

"Really?"

His uncle rolled his eyes. “I can see that this conversation is going to take longer than I anticipated.” 

“But love is forbidden for a Jedi!” Ben exclaimed. 

“For the Jedi of old, perhaps, but we are not them.” 

“No, we’re not,” Rey agreed, leaning against Ben’s side. 

“Uncle,” Ben said, voice cracking with emotion as he put his arm around Rey for support, “thank you.” 

Luke beamed at them both, “You’re very welcome, nephew. Now, I have some other news I wish to share with you.” 

“What is it?” 

“Since the truth of our lineage has been revealed, your mother has suffered a blow in the Senate. She intends to come stay here for a while with your father.” 

“They’re coming here?” Ben was astonished. 

“They want to see you. To explain.” 

“They do?” 

Luke’s expression softened. “Of course they do. I’m only sorry they haven’t been able to come sooner. You must forgive an old man’s foolishness. I’ve been clinging to what the Jedi were, not what they ought to be. But we’re going to change that, from this day forward. Okay?” 

“Okay!” they said enthusiastically. 

Still, Ben had a few reservations. “Uncle, can we talk later? Snoke’s influence seems to have weakened, but—” 

Luke waved away his lingering fear. “We can, certainly, but you have nothing to worry about. You will not fall to the dark side, Ben. Not now, not ever.” He smiled as he backed up to leave. “Snoke doesn’t know it yet, but he’s already lost.” 

Ben knew it too, but nevertheless, it was a relief to hear the words from his uncle, his hero. “Thank you,” he said again. 

“No problem,” Luke winked as he opened the door. “See you around, kids!” 

* * *

_My living example..._

_It's you I admire!!_

_My living example _

* * *

Rey and Ben collapsed onto his bed, laughing uproariously. 

“I can’t believe it!” she said happily. 

“Me either!” he sighed. “All that worry for nothing.” 

“Not for nothing,” she protested, curling into his side. “You needed to work through your fear.” 

“Thank you for sticking by me while I did.” Ben closed his arms around her, kissing her soundly. “I’m glad you didn’t give up on me.” 

“I’m glad you gave me a chance to get through that thick skull of yours,” she teased. 

“Yeah, well, it’s really hard to say no to you when you want something.” 

“Which just proves that I have excellent taste in partners!” 

“Partners?” Ben stared into her bright eyes. 

“Life partners,” Rey said seriously. “You’re stuck with me, Ben Solo. Forever.” 

“Forever?” Meaning he would have someone in his life who loved him as much as he loved them? Someone who would never leave him alone again? Yeah, he could handle forever. “Deal.”

* * *

-FIN-

**A/N:** Thanks for reading my work! This was actually pretty therapeutic for me since I haven’t been able to write much since TRoS. I truly believe that Ben should have reconciled with Leia and Luke and gone on to live and atone for his mistakes. I’ll always be crushed that he didn’t. Anyway, defy every cynical narrative <3


End file.
